See You Around, Stranger

Hello, today was a nice day outside. Woke up this morning freezing. Today I lost touch with a longtime friend, he was actually the only friend I had for years, about 10. We first started talking in early or late 2009 and have been friends since. We were even calling each other brother and sister, he was like another little brother and I was like his big sister. I was there for him when he went through a bad breakup and he wanted to commit suicide. I talked him out of it and he was happy and doing better.
He was there for me when I was stressed, depressed, and after my own breakups. He would even help with money if I needed it, usually to pay bills and get groceries when we had nothing at all.
This year, he met a woman and I was happy for him, as long as he was happy too. Suddenly, when he got with her, we no longer talked anymore. He would say he would help with money issues and nothing, which is fine. It's not the first time actually. Anyway, the only time he would message was just to tell me about his relationship issues. Once again, that was alright too.
About a month or two into his new relationship, I learn that she has him on drugs. I had no problems with him and pot, I don't mind if others do smoke, it's an herb. But she also got him on coke and meth. I credit those to the reasons why he withdrew and it was very obvious that his girlfriend did not like me at all.
I wasn't gonna make him choose between our longtime friendship or his girlfriend because I already knew what he would choose.
It's hurtful to lose someone you care for to that, same with many other things. I haven't ever done drugs before because I've seen what it does to people.
I hope that he doesn't let it ruin his life, and I hope he has his best judgement in that relationship. That he quits the damn drugs before he's too far gone or before something happens.
It's his choices however, it is his life. I love him like one of my own siblings and like them, I don't want him to do drugs that will end badly. I just hope he does his best to be better.
I know I couldn't always be there for him, including now. The last relationship he was in, he didn't listen to anyone about her and it turned out she was cheating on him the entire time. Me trying to talk to him about his current relationship now and the drugs and repercussions won't do shit. He will (very) likely get pissed at me and tell me to let him live his own life.
I was like a big sister to him but now we're like strangers, so I gotta let him live on his own terms. He's an adult, he no longer needs me to be there.
I hope for him, happiness.

Love
Ariana

Accident Prone

I think I said I would write about that, didn't I? I consider myself accident prone. Every week I either do something stupid or not even realize what I'm doing until I get hurt. It's always been that way too.
When I was younger, I once put my right hand on the kitchen table and my other on the counter. I lifted myself and started swinging. Well, my hands slipped and I fell and busted my head very hard on the tile flooring of the kitchen. My mom was doing the laundry so she didn't do or say anything at all. I slowly got up and went into the living room. I don't remember what happened after, I guess I fell asleep maybe. Either way. I know I didn't get taken to the hospital.
Another time, I was outside playing with my sister. She decides to get the biggest book we have and she threw it at my face. I ended up with a black eye and to this day, a scar on my left eyelid. She gets mad these days when it's brought up.
While younger, I got the idea to cut slices of cheese. My little brother and sister were running around the kitchen. One of them bumped into me, the knife slipped, and I cut off a thin layer of skin on my right thumb. The rubbing alcohol was the worst.
Ended up using that again when I was probably about nine or ten. We were playing outside with these neighbor kids (whom had a mother that called me the bad influence) and the girl shoved me down on the gravel chunks. I ended up tearing up my right leg from my knee down to my ankle. Skin was torn and blood was running down my leg. I washed it off the best I could and my older brother poured the rubbing alcohol on my leg. Also had a small rock lodged in the side of my knee that I kept picking at til it fell out.
Was stung on my inner right wrist by a bee when I was around that same age. Maybe I provoked it or not, but it was the most excruciating pain I had ever felt. Once again, like all the other times, my mom didn't take me to the hospital. All she did was put something on it and used a bandana to wrap around it. The stinger fell out a week later while I was at school.
In school, I don't think many liked me because I was quiet and awkward. While going in from recess, a boy ran by, put out his right leg and tripped me. I ended up falling on my back on the sidewalk. Ended up getting to class a bit late because of that, and no one questioned where I was or why I had dust and tiny rocks on my back. Also slipped on ice on that sidewalk too. Busted my head and back.
Dropped my phone before while I was lying on the bed and it hit me in the throat. Was headbutted before on my mouth so I had a busted lip. Walked into a trailer hitch which hurt like hell. It was dark out and I was helping bring in groceries.
My sister told me to hurry the hell up and help. I run outside and didn't realize her guy's car had a trailer hitch and hit my left shin hard against it. Have a small indention from it. Got a scar on the back of my right thigh from a knife that someone left sitting on the couch.
Have tripped many times, usually in holes. Hit with bamboo before. Accidentally put my right hand in a fan before.
I was half sleep and it was cold. For some reason, my older brother took the cover off the fan. But when I reached over to shut it off, it rotated and I ended up putting my hand in there and cut my thumb open. That woke me up. Took a bit to clean thoroughly too because the dust from the fan blades was lodged under the cut. Been scratched up by cats and bitten by a neighbor's dog that was trying to get one of our cats.
Think I've only ever had to get stitches twice in my life. While with my third ex, my left face cheek swelled up, and it took him a week before he decided to take me to a doctor. Turned out one of my wisdom teeth was impacted and I apparently was close to death. So I had those pulled and ended up with stitches in my back left gum. The second time was after my son was born. I guess there was tearing. It kinda sucked because during the stitching process, the epidural was wearing off. Car rides suck with stitches. Same with labor pains, every bump was terrible.
After my son was born, and months later, I picked him up wrong, something happened with my left shoulder where I couldn't move it for days. I kept insisting to my ex husband I should probably go to the hospital. He didn't want to do it because he was in the middle of an online game. His dad shows up and tells me "sounds like a heart attack" and gave me aspirin. I knew it wasn't a heart attack, my heart was beating fine and I didn't have any other symptoms.
My niece before threw this heavy object, not sure what it was, but it hit me on my head and that hurt for days. Was hit with a pool cue, rocks thrown at me by my niece, electrocuted by a keyboard, power strip, and something else I thought of but now can't think of it.
While at a Starbucks with my son, ex husband, and his dad and grandmother, I had a very hot vanilla latte. My son decided to reach over for it and it spilled all over me. Legs burned but I was glad he was okay, none of it got him. I also got a free latte out of that.
For years, I managed to avoid ever being in any car accidents. All my siblings have been in one or more and so had my parents. That changed back on my birthday of this year. I was in the passenger seat, my last ex was driving, and my son was in the back, in his car seat and playing with a new toy I had gotten him. It was night and we were on our way to return him to his dad. Out of nowhere, a deer ran out. Instead of going head on like it's recommended here, my ex tried to swerve to the left. I reached back to make sure my son was okay and the deer hit my side.
I ended up with whiplash for weeks after, left shoulder pain, wrist pain, neck pain, and dizziness. Felt nauseated after that happened and I kept checking my son and repeatedly asking him if he was okay. He was fine, his only disappointment was that his drink spilled. That was it.
I know I probably shouldn't have reached back or anything, but his safety was my top concern and priority. I kept telling my ex i should probably be evaluated at least and he insisted I was fine because he studied first aid.
Almost a month later, I woke up, stretched and got this excruciating pain in my neck where it hurt to move or anything. It's better now, although occasionally I get pains still.
There will likely be more injuries later down the line. Very likely.
I'm just amazed I don't have back problems, concussions, or anything else. Aside from scars.

Love
Ariana

Online Dating: Mostly Cons

Alright, at one point, most people check out online dating. Even more so these days, everything's online or requires an internet connection: Netflix, Facebook, Instagram, Twitter, Hulu, Directv, and so on. Including dating. Not gonna lie, I've tried online dating... and still am, but seriously gonna cease that soon.
Back in my teens, I didn't ever date. I was that shy girl that had social anxiety and kept to herself, drew a lot and kept headphones in my ears once my oldest brother got me an mp3 player for Christmas. So, I came across as this weird, odd, strange girl that no one liked. Wore dark a lot too. So I had no luck on meeting guys in person. I did get asked out by a guy in my class, but I automatically assumed it was a prank so I shook my head and said no. Another bad experience was my final day at the technology center in 2010, a guy from my class asked me out. I ended up saying yes and he told me he'd pick me up around 4.
I got stood up. To this day, my sister still makes fun of me for that, usually when we're arguing about relationships, she always tosses in "at least I've never been stood up".
Online dating is how I met my last three exes. And upon trying online dating again, I see how flawed and scary it is. I usually try the sites that are suggested to me: okcupid, meetme, pof. Well, just those actually. And each one I have had bad experiences. More so on meetme, which I don't recommend. Even if you're trying to just find new friends, it's not the place to go.
Before on okcupid, there was this guy that had his profile photo blacked out and he would message consistently. And he kept asking me where I lived. Keep in mind, he lived in another state on the east coast. Next thing I know, on his location, it showed Tulsa. Then Hobart and Lawton. All areas I have lived in or go to often. I ended up quitting for some time.
On pof (Plenty Of Fish), the guys on there were mostly asking for hookups and talking dirty. Which is to be expected.
Meetme... there's plenty wrong with that. I have been sent dick pics, offers from couples, guys offering me a lot of money to sleep with them or make porn, guys offering to get me pregnant, guys asking me to marry them, guys from other countries asking me to marry them so they can stay here, a guy i knew in school wanting to sleep with me behind his wife's back, I have had guys call me names, threaten to hurt or kill me if I don't sleep with them or meet them (never do either way), and had them tell me they're interested but don't want to be with me if I have a kid. And most of this is guys around my own age or a year or two younger than me.
Online dating is not for everyone. Which, apparently, is not for me. I guess they assume since I'm petite and nice, they can bully me into what they want me to do. Then usually I bring up my interests, one being knife throwing. Sometimes they stop or they weirdly get into it even more. Had a guy once before tell me blood turns him on.
I think most guys show an interest because they see me as this fragile girl that looks nice, polite, kind. But when they learn of my interests, hobbies, and favorite movies/shows, they are usually genuinely surprised. Most stop talking to me at that point.
They usually expect me to say reality tv is my favorite thing, that romantic movies are, and probably whatever hobbies and interests. And, I get this a lot, a fan of pop music.
It's more like this though: horror movies, comedies, action, knife throwing, drawing, writing, playing musical instruments, rock and metal music. Likely more on that later. The Walking Dead, Family Guy, and of course, Jackass. I think the last one throws a lot of them off or something because they see it as gross and don't understand why I like it.
Another thing that happens often when it comes to online dating is when guys ask me if I have ever seen The Notebook. I have not, one believed I was lying before, but no I haven't ever seen it. There is also when they compare me to my sister. And when I tell them my name, they always say "like Ariana Grande!". So, I'm to the point of telling people to just call me Ana, it's my nickname. Used to be Ari, but not anymore. Guess why.
You'll meet a lot of different people when it comes to online dating. Most may get into it a lot, others probably use it to flirt, get money, or even just sleep around with others.
But, if you are more like I am where you just want a real relationship with actual love (and if you're a single parent like I am, want someone who will accept that you have a child or more) and someone that has similar interests, long lasting love, it likely won't be for you.
I don't recommend it for teens either. Please, do not try online dating because you don't know what you will run into. I often see it in the news where teens meet someone online and it turns bad. Be more focused on surviving through school than worrying about being the only one not getting dates or anything. Hell, I didn't date in school... I stayed focused on my favorite school subjects and music. And drawing. Plus my other oldest brother would always tell me to wait on trying to date.
So, like I said, online dating has pros and cons... mostly cons on my part. I guess the pro to it for me was if I hadn't tried, then I wouldn't have met my ex husband and in turn, I wouldn't have had my only child. That's something I won't ever regret. But the cons are not worth it. Just let it happen whenever, don't try to rush it.
You never know when you will meet "the one" if you're out in public or something.
For me, dating in person is difficult because I live out in the damn country and the nearest town here has the worst people to try dating. Plus most of those guys know my sister.
Try online dating at your own risk, it's not all that it's portrayed as in those eharmony and farmers only commercials.

Love
Ariana

How Is Everyone

Hope everyone is doing good today. My day has been a bit of the same. Woke up with neck pain, back pain, and tension behind my right eye. Made more coffee, and did the dishes again. I ordered some dvds a week ago. And because they aren't in yet, my older brother is pissed at me for it. Makes it worse because my sister decided to make a remark about how I could have used his card to get myself crap, so I'm being ignored at this point. I'm not one for stealing or anything, but he believes it I guess.
Was gonna do some writing, but lost the motivation. Currently hanging out in the kitchen with a cup of coffee, headphones on, and listening to music to get me in a better mood if possible... it's not quite working.
May watch Jackass on my phone, lately that's my motivation for a better mood. Been depressed since the divorce, not because of my ex, but because he got primary custody of our son. For some time, I would listen to music and it would get me out of that depression. Lately music doesn't do anything so I watch my favorite show/movie (Jackass) and I feel better.
Reminds me, I had a dream last night that I had my son, and we were living out on the streets yet doing well.
What else is new... not much actually. No new writings, no exciting life details to report on. Aside from my accident prone moments. Had to cut into the calk around the bathroom sink and when I got to the corner part, the box cutter I was using got stuck. I tried pulling it and it suddenly slammed downward and I hit my knuckles down hard on the porcelain. Hit my elbow too and burned my hand. That's pretty much the only exciting thing that happens to me.
Learned my son has a temper, haha. Called to check on him yesterday and I was told a kid at his school shoved him out of the way to take his seat. My kid didn't cry, he didn't go tell the teacher, or anything. He shoved the kid back harder. My mom insists it's the Comanche, meanwhile my ex once before insisted it's the Irish. Love my son. He's the world to me.
That's about it for what's new with me, likely do another post in a bit or soon after this.

Love
Ariana

Fan Of Jackass and Not Ashamed Of It

So, I finally got Jackass on dvd. The complete movie and tv collection. I was pretty happy when I got it because I used to love watching the tv series when it was MTV. I'll admit that from watching it, my two younger siblings and i would get the bright idea to try our own stunts. Not as dangerous like they did. We took turns pushing each other down a hill on a push mower. Didn't affect our lives in a bad way either, hell, when we didn't watch it years later, we were hitting each other with bamboo for fun when I was 18 years old. And probably like other girls (maybe), I watched it because I had a crush on Johnny Knoxville. I know I'm not the only one. These days however, I like Ehren Mcghehey.
But, with liking and enjoying Jackass, the movies and show, I do get criticized for it. Guys don't understand how or why I would even like the Jackass franchise, my ex told me they were too insane for him to enjoy watching. My mom finds the series very gross (I remember the awkwardness that came from watching Jackass Number Two with my siblings and mom) and my siblings these days pick on me for liking the series/movies. It involves name calling, calling me gay for liking it, weird and claim something is wrong with me.
It sucks, but why should I care what they and others think? It bothers me because they bring it up every chance they get, I guess their way of trying to get me to no longer watch it.
I love the franchise. They make me laugh, make me feel bad for them when someone gets hurt, and just helps me forget my problems in my life. It's like an escape from the stress and depression I have every day. It also makes me nostalgic for the early 2000s when I used to watch it on tv.
Maybe I'm immature, and most would probably say it's unladylike of me, but... I love the humor. Usually when someone can make me laugh, it's what I find most attractive. And in the case of Jackass, it's what I find hilarious.
Not sure why Jackass would make someone consider me gay for watching either.
I'm a girl.
The show is primarily guys.
Good looking guys might I add. I mean, c'mon: Johnny Knoxville, Ehren Mcghehey, Steve O, Chris Pontius, Wee Man, Preston Lacy, Dave England, Bam Margera, Ryan Dunn (may he rest in peace). Maybe some of the stunts done would make most uncomfortable, but... It's funny. As I read in another article before, for girls, there's at least one of them guys you will find hot. Sounds like a challenge if you think about it.
I used to like Johnny Knoxville, think it was his accent, that southern accent. Now I like Ehren Mcghehey, or Danger Ehren,  and his "Safety First". He's a handsome man that encourages safety.
Think the only time I got grossed out was the Vomit Omelet. Still watched it. It only killed my appetite for a bit.
Jackass may not be for everyone, but it's usually something that I recommend. If you like dirty, crude, offensive, sexual humor. It has been years since the series ended, same with the movie series; I call it the best that was on MTV (alongside Viva La Bam). These days, I watch Ridiculousness. Not all the time, unfortunately, but I do when I can.
I don't think there will ever be a replacement for Jackass. Those men were daring and challenging for the entertainment of others. Aside from laughing at the stunts, I also felt bad/sympathy for them. So... there is proof I'm not completely cold hearted.
... Well, then again, I wasn't really cold hearted at all to begin with.
The point is, there is nothing wrong with Jackass. It wasn't really a bad influence on me either. I have scars, but not from doing stunts around the house. It was just me being accident prone. Accidentally running into a trailer hitch hurts like hell. I still have the small indention in my shin. Those stories are for another time.
I enjoy Jackass, and likely always will, because it makes me forget my everyday stresses, the depression of hardly getting to see my son, and reminding me of how simple things were in the early 2000s when people enjoyed that kind of humor.

Love
Ariana Torralba

It's Been Awhile

Hello again, it's been some time, hasn't it? Not much has happened lately aside from accidents. I think I told about the whole "hitting the deer" thing from back in March on my birthday. The whiplash lasted for weeks, the dizziness ended by the end of the week, and one day I stretched and my neck popped in such a painful way that I couldn't move my head much. Still thankful my son was okay. I got either burned or electrocuted a few weeks ago. Our window a/c was dripping water and it got on the power strip. It was supposed to have shut off on its own, but I guess that particular one was faulty. I had gone to try and hit the off switch but ended up hurting my hand.
Single again. And the laptop screen got damaged so I haven't done much writing these days. Finally got Jackass on dvd (more on that subject after this post) and attempting online dating again, but I've noticed how different trying to date is now that I'm older. It's a pain. My sister tells me I should find a sugar daddy, I'd prefer love, not for the wrong reasons. And most guys who show an interest are only wanting hookups.
The advice for trying to date at 27 years old? It'll be difficult, but don't try to be with the first guy who claims he wants to be with you from now on. It's usually false, or it is when it happens to me.
Haven't seen my son in some time, but heard he's doing good in school. He has a girlfriend apparently, is doing good, and likes to do pranks and jokes on people.
That's about it for now, not much goes on in my life these days. I thought I'd update on what's going on here.

Love
Ariana Torralba

Linkin Park Topic

I have been a fan since the start like I said before. I remember hearing One Step Closer on 100.5 The Katt and asking my mom if I could have the cd for Christmas. Months later, I got it along with a cd player. I remember listening to their music when I got sick from my older sister's cooking, when a hornet stung me on the wrist, when I injured/tore up my right leg. For a bit in my teens, I checked out other bands. Not many made me feel better like Linkin Park's music. If anything I got depressed. After my first breakup that was verbally abusive, and when he tried to break into the house late one night, I was afraid to be alone, to go anywhere or answer my phone that I got a new one. Linkin Park's music helped me get over that debilitating fear my first ex left. I listened to their music after finding out my second ex was cheating on me (found out on Valentine's day of all days). After my third breakup, Roads Untraveled helped me through the process. With my ex husband, I couldn't really listen to their music or My Chemical Romance due to him complaining or jealousy. Yeah, he got jealous over those bands, Linkin Park more so. I couldn't listen to their music or hang up my poster (think he threw it away after the divorce). And we got in an argument that I couldn't have any Linkin Park songs play at the wedding unless he could have Ariana Grande's music play... I chose The Little Things Give You Away. He also accused me of wanting to name our son after the drummer since I was wanting to name him Robert. Instead he picked the name Michael, he didn't take into account that's Mike Shinoda's name. After the divorce and custody arrangement, I was depressed and cried every day cause I didn't get to keep my son. I wanted to give up so many times, but once again, Linkin Park's music helped me through everything. Even with writing. The SGC characters (if you read When It Ends) I had based on them, kinda like a dedication thanks for influencing my life. The news about Chester was like a hit to the gut. My sister told me I was in denial for the first 30 minutes. I couldn't listen to their music for awhile cause I wouldn't feel right or sick. Found One More Light at the store, took me a couple of days to listen to it and then there was comfort. Hearing about his death was like losing a family member. I'm sure other fans know what I mean. It makes you sad and lonely, but now, listening to the music gives more meaning, more to everything and makes me think of how his singing comforted me. They were the reason I wanted to get into music. Perhaps they are the reason why I never got into drinking, partying, drugs, or smoking. I wish I could have gone to a concert and taken my son when he was alive. Instead, I bought a Linkin Park shirt for him.
Chester Bennington will be missed by all who he meant a lot to. And I'm proud to be part of the Linkin Park Family and to have been influenced by his vocals and humor.

Love
Ariana