What I Would Give Up For My Son

Instead of posting about my day, cause it won't be different from any other day, I spent time calling to check on my son and tried very hard not to cry on the phone. I haven't had a chance to see him since April. Family won't help. It's killing me inside, and quite depressed, so while sitting outside alone and crying it out, I told myself what all I would give up just for him/ to have him. Here is the things:
I would give up coffee for him
I would give up a kidney, lung, and an arm just for him.
I would give up the ability to speak
I would give up trying to find the one
I would give up the ability to hear
I would give up all my movie scripts I wrote over the years
I would give up my shitty writing
I would give up music
I would give up my status in the Comanche Nation Tribe if I could have him
I would give up my percap I get once a year
I would give up drawing
I would travel to hell and back if it means I could have him
I would give up whatever "good looks" guys say I have for him
I would give up the ability to have more kids
I would risk my life for him
I would give up The Walking Dead
I would give up all my belongings for him
I would give up video games
I would give up doing makeup effects
I would give up any shred of talent I have
I would give up the internet and social media
I would give up my personality
I would give up my heart
And I would give up my health just to have my son back for good.
I'm not sure if other single parents feel this way when they can't see or have their kids, but that's how I feel. My greatest fear is he will forget me. I hardly ever get to talk to him on the phone either. Everytime I call, I'm told he's sleeping or outside playing.
Michael is my only son, and I love him to death. Back when I was pregnant, his dad didn't want him. Yet, he has him now. My sister complains that she misses her daughter when she goes back to her dad. But it seems more painful when you can't see your son at all and can't talk to him. That is my everyday struggle since the divorce back in November of last year. And yes, it's a hell I'm stuck in. I started writing and publishing just for him and no one likes it. Why not either? To me lately it's shitty stories. It's a damn waste and it's not getting me anywhere or any way closer to the goal of being able to afford a lawyer and to get my son. Trying to become an author is another failed goal. I'm sure my oldest brothers knew that even in death.

Ariana