Aside from the bottled up anger, I decided to try online dating again. No success however. Again. I don't know. Most guys interested are from other states or countries, they don't want a long distance relationship, can't move until I can actually get full custody of my little boy. I'm sure I can move away, but I don't want to do anywhere without him. That kid keeps me happy, last time I seen him was back in April.
I seem to attract guys that don't really have a sense of humor. Joked with a guy earlier, his response was "that's not funny"... Tried joking when I was with my first ex back in 2010, but he wanted me to not ever joke with him again. Douche.
Sense of humor is the key to me. You laugh and joke and can make me laugh, then we're cool. Plus my family likes to joke and tease, so you gotta be able to handle that. But yeah, make me laugh and hey, get my son to laugh too or if he seems to like you, then I think it'll work out.
Aside from humor that I love, I'm also the kind of girl that will do things for you. Make breakfast in bed, bring you coffee, water, tea, or whatever you drink. Try to do back massages and even play video games with you. Make dinner. Share jokes of various types.
I think I found a perfect balance between being mature and immature.
Being a good mom, I also ran around WalMart with my son last year in December. People watched us like we were crazy and doing something wrong. Nothing wrong with running around WalMart with your one year old boy, laughing... I miss him. I miss being with someone. And I miss when my laptop worked. But I do not miss any of my exes. They're the past, and as I told them before, I don't give second chances. And I still stick with that choice. 😏
Love
Ariana
Wednesday, October 19, 2016
New Update
My sister is right, I am gonna snap one day. I finished my last book to my zombie series, but it's only available on Amazon Kindle. Createspace won't let me release it as a paperback, which is a bit stressful. But, still pushing forward, keeping hope and smiling. Now, stuck here with family that doesn't help me clean, we are about out of groceries and other necessities. I have $27 left that I was saving for something personal and important, or for gas money so I can finally get my son, but I gotta use it to get what groceries I can. Everyone has been complaining that I need to get certain stuff, mainly for themselves. I get a check once a year from the tribe I'm part of, I usually use that money for some cheap Christmas gifts for my family and for my son. But before I even get the check, my family is telling me to get a new washer, dryer, refrigerator, and water heater... Problem with that, I don't get enough for all that.
Sorry, just venting here. My sister got mad at me for not fixing the issue with my Sims game on her laptop for her little girl. It needs to be defragmented and optimized, I told her that many times, but she won't let me do it cause she thinks I'll mess it up. My niece dumped old milk into my son's car seat, and damaged my Left 4 Dead 2 game. Everyone is sick with allergies and I am somehow being blamed for it.
Can't wait til I can actually save up. Would love to get my son and move out of Oklahoma. Start new somewhere and just go from there.
I should probably not bottle up this stuff. I figured not a lot of people care to know my own problems. But as an ex once said, it's best to vent than bottle it up.
Might be why I have insomnia issues every night.
That's about all, I feel a little better now.
Love
Ariana
Sorry, just venting here. My sister got mad at me for not fixing the issue with my Sims game on her laptop for her little girl. It needs to be defragmented and optimized, I told her that many times, but she won't let me do it cause she thinks I'll mess it up. My niece dumped old milk into my son's car seat, and damaged my Left 4 Dead 2 game. Everyone is sick with allergies and I am somehow being blamed for it.
Can't wait til I can actually save up. Would love to get my son and move out of Oklahoma. Start new somewhere and just go from there.
I should probably not bottle up this stuff. I figured not a lot of people care to know my own problems. But as an ex once said, it's best to vent than bottle it up.
Might be why I have insomnia issues every night.
That's about all, I feel a little better now.
Love
Ariana
Tuesday, October 4, 2016
Things Will Get Better, I Promise
The title is me pretty much telling myself that. Things will get better. I haven't done any writing lately, my family is falling apart from all this trouble that's been going on for a month now. We are pretty much out of groceries and what food we do have is for my niece since she's here this week. I made everyone else French toast, there wasn't enough for me, so instead I made myself some cinnamon toast. Kinda worn out on cinnamon toast and ramen. Been eating a lot of ramen too. Everyone else is doing good at least. Just glad my son doesn't have to be here during times like now. Not getting any responses for the jobs I applied to and I'm still not sleeping well.
But, I have hope it'll get better. Just need to keep trying, even as worn out as I feel.
Thought of giving up earlier. Felt like crying out of frustration, but me being myself, I bury that and force some happiness around my family. Would still love to move out and be on my own, have my son, and a loyal, caring, guy in my life. Humor never hurts, that's helpful when things suck. So, for others out there that can understand what I feel: Frustrated, sad, angry, hungry, stressed, and restless, IT WILL GET BETTER. I PROMISE 😊
Love
Ariana
But, I have hope it'll get better. Just need to keep trying, even as worn out as I feel.
Thought of giving up earlier. Felt like crying out of frustration, but me being myself, I bury that and force some happiness around my family. Would still love to move out and be on my own, have my son, and a loyal, caring, guy in my life. Humor never hurts, that's helpful when things suck. So, for others out there that can understand what I feel: Frustrated, sad, angry, hungry, stressed, and restless, IT WILL GET BETTER. I PROMISE 😊
Love
Ariana
Tuesday, September 27, 2016
What's New?
Don't you hate it when there is an opportunity for things to change finally after 25 years of being, well, pretty much poor or close to it, and then there's a catch?
I ended up joining exploretalent, mainly to see if I would even have any interests for parts available. Well, I got chosen to be a supporting role in an Adam Sandler movie. Now the issue with that is, I have to upgrade to pro membership on exploretalent so I can receive all info for the part and the documents. It's exciting because the amount I'd earn a week would help greatly for me to help my family and get a small place in the town my son is in. But I can't do it. I don't have a bank account to even upgrade to pro and even if I did, it would go just like how it did when I got my first percap from the Comanche tribe: My mom kept the debit card and kept taking the money out. Sure we needed groceries, but still. So, this shot to become an actress will have to be passed up.
Aside from that, some insane girl is threatening to harm my family just cause my sister's fiancé turned her down. Haven't seen my son since April and that is just slowly killing me inside. I keep hitting writers block as well and doing my best.
Gave up on trying to date, and attempting to cut down on coffee... We already know that isn't going to happen haha. But, these life changing moments happen so often, then it's prevented. I'm sure others have gone through that too, correct?
Maybe I'll have a shot at it again. Preferably a shot that will not require me to upgrade to pro just to finally make it and finally get my little boy.
Love
Ariana
I ended up joining exploretalent, mainly to see if I would even have any interests for parts available. Well, I got chosen to be a supporting role in an Adam Sandler movie. Now the issue with that is, I have to upgrade to pro membership on exploretalent so I can receive all info for the part and the documents. It's exciting because the amount I'd earn a week would help greatly for me to help my family and get a small place in the town my son is in. But I can't do it. I don't have a bank account to even upgrade to pro and even if I did, it would go just like how it did when I got my first percap from the Comanche tribe: My mom kept the debit card and kept taking the money out. Sure we needed groceries, but still. So, this shot to become an actress will have to be passed up.
Aside from that, some insane girl is threatening to harm my family just cause my sister's fiancé turned her down. Haven't seen my son since April and that is just slowly killing me inside. I keep hitting writers block as well and doing my best.
Gave up on trying to date, and attempting to cut down on coffee... We already know that isn't going to happen haha. But, these life changing moments happen so often, then it's prevented. I'm sure others have gone through that too, correct?
Maybe I'll have a shot at it again. Preferably a shot that will not require me to upgrade to pro just to finally make it and finally get my little boy.
Love
Ariana
Friday, September 9, 2016
Decision To Become Frugal (Even More)
Growing up, for some reason, our neighbors used to think (and spread rumors) that my family and I were rich. It's ridiculous, a ridiculous assumption, because we weren't at all. Far from it. So, to be technical, I am a poor woman. Or close to it. Struggled a lot when I was younger, through my teens, and even now. Trying to turn talents into jobs isn't working out such as writing books.
Can't get into selling knitted hats and scarves because I can't always afford yarn. So now I'm onto trying to sell my drawings I do. Why am I doing this?
I intend on saving up, get my own place, eventually my son (I worry every day that he will forget me and it's depressing and sad) and just go from there. These days when I can have money on hand, suddenly my family needs something. Therefore, I have set goals and big dreams. Not like I can try to go out and get a job easy. I live out in the country and no car. Been offered so many jobs lately, but then my family kills that by telling me I can't take those jobs since I don't have a car. It's frustrating and tiring.
Divorce pretty much ruined a lot too: Can't see my son. I can't get health insurance these days cause they try to get me to get child support from him and I don't want to do that. Then the fact I fear relationships now.
I don't know. Have a difficult life and all I want is my own place, a job, and my son. Too much to ask for apparently! Let that be a learned lesson: Family isn't always motivators, they can kill your dreams; divorce can ruin your once hopeful love. And, trying to scrape and save when you're struggling is a hard task. But, hopefully, can be done. Not going to quit. But trying hard is really taking a toll on my mental health. 😔
If any of you understand how these issues are difficult, then I wish you luck with your own goals and family in life.
Love
Ariana
Can't get into selling knitted hats and scarves because I can't always afford yarn. So now I'm onto trying to sell my drawings I do. Why am I doing this?
I intend on saving up, get my own place, eventually my son (I worry every day that he will forget me and it's depressing and sad) and just go from there. These days when I can have money on hand, suddenly my family needs something. Therefore, I have set goals and big dreams. Not like I can try to go out and get a job easy. I live out in the country and no car. Been offered so many jobs lately, but then my family kills that by telling me I can't take those jobs since I don't have a car. It's frustrating and tiring.
Divorce pretty much ruined a lot too: Can't see my son. I can't get health insurance these days cause they try to get me to get child support from him and I don't want to do that. Then the fact I fear relationships now.
I don't know. Have a difficult life and all I want is my own place, a job, and my son. Too much to ask for apparently! Let that be a learned lesson: Family isn't always motivators, they can kill your dreams; divorce can ruin your once hopeful love. And, trying to scrape and save when you're struggling is a hard task. But, hopefully, can be done. Not going to quit. But trying hard is really taking a toll on my mental health. 😔
If any of you understand how these issues are difficult, then I wish you luck with your own goals and family in life.
Love
Ariana
Movie Talk
Been awhile again. Lately I have been feeling irritable and you would too if you were stuck with family 24/7. 😒 And so, I have nothing new to discuss, which is why I decided to talk about movies. Halloween will be here soon and lately I have been getting into the old, classic movies. I watched The Circus, which is a Charlie Chaplin film. Humorous. Another interesting one I seen before was the Two Faced Woman.
Anyone have any favorite actors from long ago? Or movies? I liked the 1932 film Freaks and the ever classic, Psycho. Anthony Perkins was one of the best actors and I still don't think anyone can replicate how well he played Norman Bates (over the week, I literally had to describe what the movie Psycho is to four or five people, yet they gain interest when you mention the Bates Motel in the movie. They automatically say they like the series Bates Motel). Makes me feel old though, I'm 25, and having to describe Psycho to people my age just... It makes me feel like I should have been from another time and age, that's how it makes me feel.
Anyways, Anthony Perkins, a great actor. Primrose Evening, enjoyed his singing. Favorite actress was Audrey Hepburn; and Lana Turner did a good job in The Imitation of Life. I remember watching that film as a child. Of course the old horror films I enjoy: Psycho, Freaks, Eraserhead, Night Of The Living Dead (original!), Nosferatu, Carnival Of Souls,House On Haunted Hill (another original), The Last Man On Earth. Many more, I have a classic horror film collection set here somewhere. If my niece didn't scratch the discs up.
I like the classics, not many my age do or even know any black and white films or actors/actresses. It's pretty much a time that is dying out as years go by and it's shocking because now days my niece questions those things. One day she asked what a VHS tape was... And that, my friends, is an example of how children are these days toward the classics. Well, and the other example being where I described Psycho to people.
It's a bit sad that even those my age don't know the classic film.
Love
Ariana
http://youtu.be/g9qMo7rDXRc
Anyone have any favorite actors from long ago? Or movies? I liked the 1932 film Freaks and the ever classic, Psycho. Anthony Perkins was one of the best actors and I still don't think anyone can replicate how well he played Norman Bates (over the week, I literally had to describe what the movie Psycho is to four or five people, yet they gain interest when you mention the Bates Motel in the movie. They automatically say they like the series Bates Motel). Makes me feel old though, I'm 25, and having to describe Psycho to people my age just... It makes me feel like I should have been from another time and age, that's how it makes me feel.
Anyways, Anthony Perkins, a great actor. Primrose Evening, enjoyed his singing. Favorite actress was Audrey Hepburn; and Lana Turner did a good job in The Imitation of Life. I remember watching that film as a child. Of course the old horror films I enjoy: Psycho, Freaks, Eraserhead, Night Of The Living Dead (original!), Nosferatu, Carnival Of Souls,House On Haunted Hill (another original), The Last Man On Earth. Many more, I have a classic horror film collection set here somewhere. If my niece didn't scratch the discs up.
I like the classics, not many my age do or even know any black and white films or actors/actresses. It's pretty much a time that is dying out as years go by and it's shocking because now days my niece questions those things. One day she asked what a VHS tape was... And that, my friends, is an example of how children are these days toward the classics. Well, and the other example being where I described Psycho to people.
It's a bit sad that even those my age don't know the classic film.
Love
Ariana
http://youtu.be/g9qMo7rDXRc
Sunday, September 4, 2016
Up Late/Up Early
Still awake. Hope everyone is having a good day. My dad is here visiting for the weekend, which is awesome, haven't seen him since last year at my oldest brother's funeral. Been awake all night, literally trying to find a decent dating site. I don't get to get out much so that's pretty much the only choice of trying to find a good guy. And let me say, most guys my age are not on the same level as me. Most don't want a 25 year old with a child (which is a very big deal breaker since I have a son) or they don't want anything long term or a serious relationship. I learned on some dating sites that guys younger than me are pushy and mean. All they want is sex, and when I decline them, they call me names (such as the guy that told me to go kill myself just cause I didn't want to sleep with him for $200) and the guy that started telling others that I only wanted to use guys for money. Then, guys older than me want to show off and spoil me, guess like a "sugar daddy", but I don't want that. All I would love is to have a serious, long term, relationship. Money doesn't matter. It doesn't matter if the guy is rich or poor. If he's rich then good for him, I would still prefer to work and earn my own money. If he's poor then that's okay too because I know what it's like to be poor.
Grew up poor and I guess I would still be considered poor. I don't mind it. There have been guys my age that decided to not go out with me because of that "issue". Hell, they consider me having a son as an "issue" too. The point is I do not care if the guy has money or not, as long as they love me and we're happy. And they accept my son too.
And that is my early rant. Just wanted to get that out.
Love
Ariana
Grew up poor and I guess I would still be considered poor. I don't mind it. There have been guys my age that decided to not go out with me because of that "issue". Hell, they consider me having a son as an "issue" too. The point is I do not care if the guy has money or not, as long as they love me and we're happy. And they accept my son too.
And that is my early rant. Just wanted to get that out.
Love
Ariana
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