I know it's late, but just thought I would do a post before going to bed. Clearing my mind here. The topic earlier today with my family was about my two oldest brothers who have died.
Unfortunately, my son didn't get to meet either one of them. A couple weeks after he was born, one died (doctors claim from natural causes) and the other I didn't get to see (he was killed in a hit and run).
The reason I am bringing this up is because of, I guess guilt. The last time I seen either of them was in my teens, ironically on two different Christmases.
When I was pregnant in 2013, my oldest brother (the first one who died) had come to visit for a few days with his sons. I didn't get to go because my husband at the time didn't want to go, plus his other issues that had been going on, and I had nausea from morning sickness. Needless to say, my brother wasn't happy and everyone else was mad at me too.
Then he died in February of 2014.
And then my other brother was killed in a hit and run when he was walking and trying to return home to my mom's house. I remember hearing the news late at night.
I feel guilt because I didn't ever see them again when I had the chance.
I remember my brother (1st one) would call at times and tell me to make something of myself, improve my life. At the time I had been creating cartoons, and he encouraged me to keep creating them.
All I can say is, I wish they were here and could see that I'm trying hard to make something of my life and my son's life by finally publishing my books. I think they would be proud of me, or at least I like to think they would be. I'm trying hard to the point of stress and losing sleep just for my son. Not really successful right now, but I'm not giving up. I'm not a quitter, and I think they knew I had that in me.
God, I hope things work out. Hope I can give my son a good life and I hope that my two brothers forgive me for not being there when they were here to visit. I seriously hope I am making them proud that I'm doing my best to make it. And I hope that they forgive me for the bad choices in guys I made haha.
I miss them and love them both and yeah, I feel guilt every day, but like I tell myself, it was out of my control.
That's final thoughts for tonight. Happy on the outside, but feeling sad and guilt on the inside.
Thanks for reading. Love
Ariana
Sunday, June 26, 2016
Saturday, June 25, 2016
Movies and Other Random Stuff
Everyone has a favorite movie genre, right? Mine would be comedy and horror films. Long time fan of those since I was a child. Top favorite horror movie ever would be the original Dawn Of The Dead. Top favorite comedy is This Is The End.
I think horror is what got me into doing makeup effects for fun.
Started doing that back in my teens when they used to show Masters of Horror and actually showed rock music videos on Fuse.
I like the Bill and Ted movies, the first one got me interested in history. Also while in my teens, I watched the Diary of A Wimpy Kid movie (crush on Devon Bostick). What else... Seen almost every zombie movie possible.
The Texas Chainsaw films and every Puppet Master movie made.
Seen plenty of comedies. Love the Simon Pegg and Nick Frost films (favorites would be Shaun of The Dead, Hot Fuzz, The World's End, Paul), Jay Baruchel films, pot humor.
Like the tv series Community, Man Seeking Woman, Rick and Morty, Family Guy, The Walking Dead. Nathan Fielder's show Nathan For You...
This is actually making me realize most of my favorite actors I had/have crushes on are Canadians.
Learn something new everyday.
But, more on that later.
Love
Ariana
I think horror is what got me into doing makeup effects for fun.
Started doing that back in my teens when they used to show Masters of Horror and actually showed rock music videos on Fuse.
I like the Bill and Ted movies, the first one got me interested in history. Also while in my teens, I watched the Diary of A Wimpy Kid movie (crush on Devon Bostick). What else... Seen almost every zombie movie possible.
The Texas Chainsaw films and every Puppet Master movie made.
Seen plenty of comedies. Love the Simon Pegg and Nick Frost films (favorites would be Shaun of The Dead, Hot Fuzz, The World's End, Paul), Jay Baruchel films, pot humor.
Like the tv series Community, Man Seeking Woman, Rick and Morty, Family Guy, The Walking Dead. Nathan Fielder's show Nathan For You...
This is actually making me realize most of my favorite actors I had/have crushes on are Canadians.
Learn something new everyday.
But, more on that later.
Love
Ariana
Dating Is Difficult
Guess it's known on my Twitter that I am a mother (to one), and divorced. Been divorced since the second week of November (to be honest, I was more upset over the custody than the divorce itself). Had mixed emotions for awhile and didn't feel like eating much.
He divorced me because, his explanation was, that I was too perfect for him. And that I would make someone else happier and I'll be perfect enough for them. Been single since then. Now, I have had four failed relationships since I was 19. Either I wasn't perfect enough or too perfect, there is just no reaching that point of being just right for someone.
Not going to lie, I have tried online dating sites and had no luck. And, I wouldn't mind a serious relationship. Maybe even marriage again, just as long as it's not going to end in divorce again. Possibly more kids too, always missing my little boy being a baby again.
Have been asked out a lot since the divorce, but I have noticed that most guys turn away when they learn I have a son.
My point is, I wouldn't mind finally getting out and just going on a simple date. Last date I was on was in 2013 when I was pregnant and with my ex husband. We had seen This Is The End in theaters when it came out. That's a movie I love along with many others.
Ariana
He divorced me because, his explanation was, that I was too perfect for him. And that I would make someone else happier and I'll be perfect enough for them. Been single since then. Now, I have had four failed relationships since I was 19. Either I wasn't perfect enough or too perfect, there is just no reaching that point of being just right for someone.
Not going to lie, I have tried online dating sites and had no luck. And, I wouldn't mind a serious relationship. Maybe even marriage again, just as long as it's not going to end in divorce again. Possibly more kids too, always missing my little boy being a baby again.
Have been asked out a lot since the divorce, but I have noticed that most guys turn away when they learn I have a son.
My point is, I wouldn't mind finally getting out and just going on a simple date. Last date I was on was in 2013 when I was pregnant and with my ex husband. We had seen This Is The End in theaters when it came out. That's a movie I love along with many others.
Ariana
My Strongest Love
There is one thing I miss the most out of my life, and that is my son. Due to current difficulties, I can't pick him up every other weekend or on the holidays I am supposed to get him. Love that little boy more than anything in the world.
Becoming a mom pretty much changed me. I used to be too shy to share my writings or anything about myself. But after he was born, I decided to share my writings (currently being my zombie series). That little boy is quite smart for a two year old too. He knows his colors, can identify American Muscle cars, loves coloring and drawing, insects, cats and dogs, listens, helps clean, and enjoys playing the drums.
He is also into hockey, so I ended up installing a couple hockey based games on my phone. Unfortunately for him though, hockey isn't really common here in Oklahoma.
Think he took after me, aside from his stubbornness, he got that from his dad. But he has my hair and eye color and I noticed smiles like me.
Hope I can save up money and get full custody of him. Or at least move closer to where he lives now.
Funniest thing that he ever said to me was the last time I seen him. I started singing a song to him. He put his little hand on my arm and said"No mommy, no".
Hoping my books start picking up, because I don't want him to forget me. I'm sure there are other single parents that understand that feeling, when they can't always have their child or children.
Ariana
Becoming a mom pretty much changed me. I used to be too shy to share my writings or anything about myself. But after he was born, I decided to share my writings (currently being my zombie series). That little boy is quite smart for a two year old too. He knows his colors, can identify American Muscle cars, loves coloring and drawing, insects, cats and dogs, listens, helps clean, and enjoys playing the drums.
He is also into hockey, so I ended up installing a couple hockey based games on my phone. Unfortunately for him though, hockey isn't really common here in Oklahoma.
Think he took after me, aside from his stubbornness, he got that from his dad. But he has my hair and eye color and I noticed smiles like me.
Hope I can save up money and get full custody of him. Or at least move closer to where he lives now.
Funniest thing that he ever said to me was the last time I seen him. I started singing a song to him. He put his little hand on my arm and said"No mommy, no".
Hoping my books start picking up, because I don't want him to forget me. I'm sure there are other single parents that understand that feeling, when they can't always have their child or children.
Ariana
Another Day
Need time to unwind. I have the cover to my last book of the series, but here is the kicker... I cannot find the damn sketch book. Had it put up, and now it's not where I left it. So, just taking this time to relax and try to figure out where it could be.
Listening to Jars by Chevelle and enjoying dark roast coffee. Prefer dark roast actually. As a reminder, my When The Dead Came blog is mainly for my series on updates. This blog is just random ramblings from me. Usually about random thoughts or whatever is bothering me.
I don't know though, I just like to share a few things about myself, something I rarely do. Could range from things people do know about me (my love for coffee) to things not really known about me (such as my love for doughnuts). I do enjoy doughnuts.
So, this will be a learning experience for me because back in school, I wasn't ever really into sharing things about myself. Same with my past relationships, literally, the first two didn't bother learning much about me. I guess it's the whole anxiety thing.
But, here's hoping I can get along with everyone and be more of a people person kind of woman.
Love
Ariana
Listening to Jars by Chevelle and enjoying dark roast coffee. Prefer dark roast actually. As a reminder, my When The Dead Came blog is mainly for my series on updates. This blog is just random ramblings from me. Usually about random thoughts or whatever is bothering me.
I don't know though, I just like to share a few things about myself, something I rarely do. Could range from things people do know about me (my love for coffee) to things not really known about me (such as my love for doughnuts). I do enjoy doughnuts.
So, this will be a learning experience for me because back in school, I wasn't ever really into sharing things about myself. Same with my past relationships, literally, the first two didn't bother learning much about me. I guess it's the whole anxiety thing.
But, here's hoping I can get along with everyone and be more of a people person kind of woman.
Love
Ariana
Apocalypse World/Survive Available Now
Guess what, the continued book to my zombie series is now available on Createspace for ordering. It includes the unreleased fourth book titled Survive and will soon be available on Amazon and Amazon Kindle, titled Apocalypse World/Survive
Love,
Ariana
https://www.createspace.com/6375130
Love,
Ariana
https://www.createspace.com/6375130
Sunday, June 12, 2016
About Myself
Hello, my name is Ariana Torralba, currently 25 years old. I am a "nerd" at video games, History, Art, Music, English, and Psychology. Quite literally study all those subjects. Also a divorced, single mother to a little boy that I love so much. I often tell myself I would give up things just to have full custody of him. Give up coffee for him, give up writing for him, give up music for him, and even would give up a kidney for him. I guess that defines a mother's love for her child.
I do writing for him actually. Back in my teens, beginning at age 12, I did writing as more of a hobby to release any imagination built up in my mind. But after he was born, it became more as a goal to be able to provide for my son and at the time, husband. Then the divorce happened, now it's more of a goal to get my books out there, sold, and then get full custody of my little boy and our own home.
But I'm getting ahead of myself. I wrote the When The Dead Came books that are available through Amazon and Createspace... They are not selling like I had hoped, but I know it's because I don't think I wrote them good enough, so lately I have rewritten the first two books with more detailing and backgrounds of the characters.
I thought I would write this so everyone can have a better sense of who I am. Pretty much like a little biography of myself. Anyways, I am Comanche, that's my background. Have siblings I love and care for, have actually lost two back in 2014, neither of them had the chance to meet my son.
Guess it's obvious on Twitter that I like coffee. Probably along the borderline of addiction, but hey, it's better than other addictions. Only gave up coffee twice in my life: Once because my family was betting me that I couldn't go a month without coffee, and the other time was during my pregnancy.
The first story I wrote was a suspense, wrote it when I was 12 years old. After that, I began to write more, most being horror based. Anytime I try to write a comedy, it usually turns dark. I probably shouldn't attempt comedy.
Aside from writing, I have also tested my other talents. When I was seven or eight, I started creating my own cartoons, the main one being called Mike Stone (before I knew there was a Mike Stone in the band Queensryche). Then I started to learn music: Drums, xylophone, the recorder, acoustic guitar, and the bass guitar. Realized I have a nice hobby with knitting too. Mainly knit hats and scarves, but currently working on a blanket for my son. Also sewing.
Enjoy video games, love the Fallout series along with the Fable series, Left 4 Dead series, pretty much any game I can shoot on. Well, and the Sims games, mainly to test my skills at architecture, landscaping, and interior designing.
In 2007, I wrote When The Dead Came, but it actually started as a movie script I wrote. So was When The Dead Came 2 and Apocalypse World. Just like the book, When The Dead Came pretty much had the same characters as now. So it's always been Justin, Alex, Avery, Keith, Holly, and Jenny - the main characters. Back then, I had based it on a few dreams I had and turned them into a script. With a movie script, I will admit, I had certain actors in mind when I created the characters, at least in appearance.
The story changed a lot over time too. At least since I wrote them as a book series instead of movie scripts. Originally, I was going to add some romance between Avery and Alex, but then took that out and figured I would leave out romance, because it'd be a bit difficult to create something like that with someone else during a zombie apocalypse.
But lately, I have been thinking of adding it back in the series, as a way to enlighten the character stories just a little. In When The Dead Came 2, the first survivalist group is introduced as the SGO, Survivalist Group of Ohio, and they turn out to be a threat toward the main characters. The book ends with a bad note, where half the characters die and a mystery is resolved.
Then in Apocalypse World, you find out why Alex did what he did in When The Dead Came 2. You also hear about the group known as the SGC, Survivalist Group of California and get kind of a history about them from the character Seth.
Since my divorce, I didn't get the chance to publish the fourth book of the series because there isn't internet access where I'm at, and my laptop is still not working. But, since I have Microsoft Word on my phone, I have been typing it all out again and will publish it... Eventually. Currently, Apocalypse World is pretty much a cliffhanger right now.
For the series I have written over the years, I will tell you that after Apocalypse World, there is three more books to the series and only one isn't finished yet... I have too much time on my hands.
I don't think I'm a great writer, I actually think this series is better as a script I wrote years ago. But, I'm doing this for my son, Michael. And hopefully, it works out soon.
Ariana
P.S. Doing this blogging idea is simpler than explaining myself to others that ask about me. But also a decent way for me to share thoughts... I think a lot.
I do writing for him actually. Back in my teens, beginning at age 12, I did writing as more of a hobby to release any imagination built up in my mind. But after he was born, it became more as a goal to be able to provide for my son and at the time, husband. Then the divorce happened, now it's more of a goal to get my books out there, sold, and then get full custody of my little boy and our own home.
But I'm getting ahead of myself. I wrote the When The Dead Came books that are available through Amazon and Createspace... They are not selling like I had hoped, but I know it's because I don't think I wrote them good enough, so lately I have rewritten the first two books with more detailing and backgrounds of the characters.
I thought I would write this so everyone can have a better sense of who I am. Pretty much like a little biography of myself. Anyways, I am Comanche, that's my background. Have siblings I love and care for, have actually lost two back in 2014, neither of them had the chance to meet my son.
Guess it's obvious on Twitter that I like coffee. Probably along the borderline of addiction, but hey, it's better than other addictions. Only gave up coffee twice in my life: Once because my family was betting me that I couldn't go a month without coffee, and the other time was during my pregnancy.
The first story I wrote was a suspense, wrote it when I was 12 years old. After that, I began to write more, most being horror based. Anytime I try to write a comedy, it usually turns dark. I probably shouldn't attempt comedy.
Aside from writing, I have also tested my other talents. When I was seven or eight, I started creating my own cartoons, the main one being called Mike Stone (before I knew there was a Mike Stone in the band Queensryche). Then I started to learn music: Drums, xylophone, the recorder, acoustic guitar, and the bass guitar. Realized I have a nice hobby with knitting too. Mainly knit hats and scarves, but currently working on a blanket for my son. Also sewing.
Enjoy video games, love the Fallout series along with the Fable series, Left 4 Dead series, pretty much any game I can shoot on. Well, and the Sims games, mainly to test my skills at architecture, landscaping, and interior designing.
In 2007, I wrote When The Dead Came, but it actually started as a movie script I wrote. So was When The Dead Came 2 and Apocalypse World. Just like the book, When The Dead Came pretty much had the same characters as now. So it's always been Justin, Alex, Avery, Keith, Holly, and Jenny - the main characters. Back then, I had based it on a few dreams I had and turned them into a script. With a movie script, I will admit, I had certain actors in mind when I created the characters, at least in appearance.
The story changed a lot over time too. At least since I wrote them as a book series instead of movie scripts. Originally, I was going to add some romance between Avery and Alex, but then took that out and figured I would leave out romance, because it'd be a bit difficult to create something like that with someone else during a zombie apocalypse.
But lately, I have been thinking of adding it back in the series, as a way to enlighten the character stories just a little. In When The Dead Came 2, the first survivalist group is introduced as the SGO, Survivalist Group of Ohio, and they turn out to be a threat toward the main characters. The book ends with a bad note, where half the characters die and a mystery is resolved.
Then in Apocalypse World, you find out why Alex did what he did in When The Dead Came 2. You also hear about the group known as the SGC, Survivalist Group of California and get kind of a history about them from the character Seth.
Since my divorce, I didn't get the chance to publish the fourth book of the series because there isn't internet access where I'm at, and my laptop is still not working. But, since I have Microsoft Word on my phone, I have been typing it all out again and will publish it... Eventually. Currently, Apocalypse World is pretty much a cliffhanger right now.
For the series I have written over the years, I will tell you that after Apocalypse World, there is three more books to the series and only one isn't finished yet... I have too much time on my hands.
I don't think I'm a great writer, I actually think this series is better as a script I wrote years ago. But, I'm doing this for my son, Michael. And hopefully, it works out soon.
Ariana
P.S. Doing this blogging idea is simpler than explaining myself to others that ask about me. But also a decent way for me to share thoughts... I think a lot.
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