Don't you hate it when there is an opportunity for things to change finally after 25 years of being, well, pretty much poor or close to it, and then there's a catch?
I ended up joining exploretalent, mainly to see if I would even have any interests for parts available. Well, I got chosen to be a supporting role in an Adam Sandler movie. Now the issue with that is, I have to upgrade to pro membership on exploretalent so I can receive all info for the part and the documents. It's exciting because the amount I'd earn a week would help greatly for me to help my family and get a small place in the town my son is in. But I can't do it. I don't have a bank account to even upgrade to pro and even if I did, it would go just like how it did when I got my first percap from the Comanche tribe: My mom kept the debit card and kept taking the money out. Sure we needed groceries, but still. So, this shot to become an actress will have to be passed up.
Aside from that, some insane girl is threatening to harm my family just cause my sister's fiancé turned her down. Haven't seen my son since April and that is just slowly killing me inside. I keep hitting writers block as well and doing my best.
Gave up on trying to date, and attempting to cut down on coffee... We already know that isn't going to happen haha. But, these life changing moments happen so often, then it's prevented. I'm sure others have gone through that too, correct?
Maybe I'll have a shot at it again. Preferably a shot that will not require me to upgrade to pro just to finally make it and finally get my little boy.
Love
Ariana
Tuesday, September 27, 2016
Friday, September 9, 2016
Decision To Become Frugal (Even More)
Growing up, for some reason, our neighbors used to think (and spread rumors) that my family and I were rich. It's ridiculous, a ridiculous assumption, because we weren't at all. Far from it. So, to be technical, I am a poor woman. Or close to it. Struggled a lot when I was younger, through my teens, and even now. Trying to turn talents into jobs isn't working out such as writing books.
Can't get into selling knitted hats and scarves because I can't always afford yarn. So now I'm onto trying to sell my drawings I do. Why am I doing this?
I intend on saving up, get my own place, eventually my son (I worry every day that he will forget me and it's depressing and sad) and just go from there. These days when I can have money on hand, suddenly my family needs something. Therefore, I have set goals and big dreams. Not like I can try to go out and get a job easy. I live out in the country and no car. Been offered so many jobs lately, but then my family kills that by telling me I can't take those jobs since I don't have a car. It's frustrating and tiring.
Divorce pretty much ruined a lot too: Can't see my son. I can't get health insurance these days cause they try to get me to get child support from him and I don't want to do that. Then the fact I fear relationships now.
I don't know. Have a difficult life and all I want is my own place, a job, and my son. Too much to ask for apparently! Let that be a learned lesson: Family isn't always motivators, they can kill your dreams; divorce can ruin your once hopeful love. And, trying to scrape and save when you're struggling is a hard task. But, hopefully, can be done. Not going to quit. But trying hard is really taking a toll on my mental health. 😔
If any of you understand how these issues are difficult, then I wish you luck with your own goals and family in life.
Love
Ariana
Can't get into selling knitted hats and scarves because I can't always afford yarn. So now I'm onto trying to sell my drawings I do. Why am I doing this?
I intend on saving up, get my own place, eventually my son (I worry every day that he will forget me and it's depressing and sad) and just go from there. These days when I can have money on hand, suddenly my family needs something. Therefore, I have set goals and big dreams. Not like I can try to go out and get a job easy. I live out in the country and no car. Been offered so many jobs lately, but then my family kills that by telling me I can't take those jobs since I don't have a car. It's frustrating and tiring.
Divorce pretty much ruined a lot too: Can't see my son. I can't get health insurance these days cause they try to get me to get child support from him and I don't want to do that. Then the fact I fear relationships now.
I don't know. Have a difficult life and all I want is my own place, a job, and my son. Too much to ask for apparently! Let that be a learned lesson: Family isn't always motivators, they can kill your dreams; divorce can ruin your once hopeful love. And, trying to scrape and save when you're struggling is a hard task. But, hopefully, can be done. Not going to quit. But trying hard is really taking a toll on my mental health. 😔
If any of you understand how these issues are difficult, then I wish you luck with your own goals and family in life.
Love
Ariana
Movie Talk
Been awhile again. Lately I have been feeling irritable and you would too if you were stuck with family 24/7. 😒 And so, I have nothing new to discuss, which is why I decided to talk about movies. Halloween will be here soon and lately I have been getting into the old, classic movies. I watched The Circus, which is a Charlie Chaplin film. Humorous. Another interesting one I seen before was the Two Faced Woman.
Anyone have any favorite actors from long ago? Or movies? I liked the 1932 film Freaks and the ever classic, Psycho. Anthony Perkins was one of the best actors and I still don't think anyone can replicate how well he played Norman Bates (over the week, I literally had to describe what the movie Psycho is to four or five people, yet they gain interest when you mention the Bates Motel in the movie. They automatically say they like the series Bates Motel). Makes me feel old though, I'm 25, and having to describe Psycho to people my age just... It makes me feel like I should have been from another time and age, that's how it makes me feel.
Anyways, Anthony Perkins, a great actor. Primrose Evening, enjoyed his singing. Favorite actress was Audrey Hepburn; and Lana Turner did a good job in The Imitation of Life. I remember watching that film as a child. Of course the old horror films I enjoy: Psycho, Freaks, Eraserhead, Night Of The Living Dead (original!), Nosferatu, Carnival Of Souls,House On Haunted Hill (another original), The Last Man On Earth. Many more, I have a classic horror film collection set here somewhere. If my niece didn't scratch the discs up.
I like the classics, not many my age do or even know any black and white films or actors/actresses. It's pretty much a time that is dying out as years go by and it's shocking because now days my niece questions those things. One day she asked what a VHS tape was... And that, my friends, is an example of how children are these days toward the classics. Well, and the other example being where I described Psycho to people.
It's a bit sad that even those my age don't know the classic film.
Love
Ariana
http://youtu.be/g9qMo7rDXRc
Anyone have any favorite actors from long ago? Or movies? I liked the 1932 film Freaks and the ever classic, Psycho. Anthony Perkins was one of the best actors and I still don't think anyone can replicate how well he played Norman Bates (over the week, I literally had to describe what the movie Psycho is to four or five people, yet they gain interest when you mention the Bates Motel in the movie. They automatically say they like the series Bates Motel). Makes me feel old though, I'm 25, and having to describe Psycho to people my age just... It makes me feel like I should have been from another time and age, that's how it makes me feel.
Anyways, Anthony Perkins, a great actor. Primrose Evening, enjoyed his singing. Favorite actress was Audrey Hepburn; and Lana Turner did a good job in The Imitation of Life. I remember watching that film as a child. Of course the old horror films I enjoy: Psycho, Freaks, Eraserhead, Night Of The Living Dead (original!), Nosferatu, Carnival Of Souls,House On Haunted Hill (another original), The Last Man On Earth. Many more, I have a classic horror film collection set here somewhere. If my niece didn't scratch the discs up.
I like the classics, not many my age do or even know any black and white films or actors/actresses. It's pretty much a time that is dying out as years go by and it's shocking because now days my niece questions those things. One day she asked what a VHS tape was... And that, my friends, is an example of how children are these days toward the classics. Well, and the other example being where I described Psycho to people.
It's a bit sad that even those my age don't know the classic film.
Love
Ariana
http://youtu.be/g9qMo7rDXRc
Sunday, September 4, 2016
Up Late/Up Early
Still awake. Hope everyone is having a good day. My dad is here visiting for the weekend, which is awesome, haven't seen him since last year at my oldest brother's funeral. Been awake all night, literally trying to find a decent dating site. I don't get to get out much so that's pretty much the only choice of trying to find a good guy. And let me say, most guys my age are not on the same level as me. Most don't want a 25 year old with a child (which is a very big deal breaker since I have a son) or they don't want anything long term or a serious relationship. I learned on some dating sites that guys younger than me are pushy and mean. All they want is sex, and when I decline them, they call me names (such as the guy that told me to go kill myself just cause I didn't want to sleep with him for $200) and the guy that started telling others that I only wanted to use guys for money. Then, guys older than me want to show off and spoil me, guess like a "sugar daddy", but I don't want that. All I would love is to have a serious, long term, relationship. Money doesn't matter. It doesn't matter if the guy is rich or poor. If he's rich then good for him, I would still prefer to work and earn my own money. If he's poor then that's okay too because I know what it's like to be poor.
Grew up poor and I guess I would still be considered poor. I don't mind it. There have been guys my age that decided to not go out with me because of that "issue". Hell, they consider me having a son as an "issue" too. The point is I do not care if the guy has money or not, as long as they love me and we're happy. And they accept my son too.
And that is my early rant. Just wanted to get that out.
Love
Ariana
Grew up poor and I guess I would still be considered poor. I don't mind it. There have been guys my age that decided to not go out with me because of that "issue". Hell, they consider me having a son as an "issue" too. The point is I do not care if the guy has money or not, as long as they love me and we're happy. And they accept my son too.
And that is my early rant. Just wanted to get that out.
Love
Ariana
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