Another Shot

Hope everyone is having a great day(night). Aside from my rant earlier, and getting my frustrations and anger I bottle up out, I am gonna dislike myself for this. But, attempting online dating... Again. Miss being with someone and I know I said earlier I was gonna give up, but I also realize I don't really give up easily. I still keep trying. Same with trying to find "the one". Failed the first four times. So, I think I can actually do better next time. First ex was the "bad boy" type. He turned out to be an ass and loved to verbally abuse me. Second ex was a little older and a bad boy too. He ended up cheating on me. Third ex was the more realistic thinking type that wasn't ready to have kids. He claimed I got jealous easy, but I did turn out right about his female friend who apparently hated me. And my ex husband was the gamer type. He divorced me for being "too perfect" for him. Not sure that's possible. I think he met someone else on his game streaming. So, sums up: No more bad boys, probably not the realistic type, and I guess no gamers. Not sure where to go from there. Would like a guy who's ready to be in a serious relationship. Have more kids, never wanted my son to be an only child. What else... Loyal. Funny. Similar interests in music and movies. Maybe a musician? Could always play bass or drums with him. Someone I could trust. Someone who would accept my son. Dancing. I like dancing, never been able to with any of my exes. Didn't even dance at the wedding. And protective. Unfortunately, there's really not many guys here that have those qualities. Maybe long distance. I already know I'd be loyal. So, trying dating sites again. Tried okcupid before. No luck and ended up with a stalker. Tried meetme and ended up with guys harassing me and making threats. Trying plenty of fish, but no luck either. Don't get out much, no where here to go and trust me, never want to meet guys here. Especially in this county. But, not giving up. I'm sure the right guy is out there somewhere. Same for everyone else that is reading this. If you're single too and feel like giving up, you'll find the one. He or she is out there somewhere. Never put up with abuse either (verbal or physical, that's how close it got during my marriage) and apparently, not all bad boys are worth staying with.

Love
Ariana

Exhausted

Hey everyone. Been awhile (again) and been trying hard. Probably too hard, exhausted and stressed out. Been writing nearly nonstop: Stories, poems, movie scripts, books. Pitching ideas to companies and agents. No responses (probably doesn't help with slow data, I don't get all my email). Severe insomnia, too much coffee. Tired of pushing myself so much. Need a change here. I want to get my own place, get my son. I haven't seen him since Thanksgiving and it causes depression like no other. Tired of my family getting mad at each other cause things don't go right. Tired of struggling with money and trying to keep groceries here. Then hear my mom bitch at us for no groceries or no money to pay the damn fucking bills. I'm tired of it all! Is writing even worth it when nothing comes of it? Sorry, stressed. Didn't even go to sleep til four or five this morning. Keeping trying to do writing and have privacy, but living with family after divorce, there is no privacy. Fuck. I really miss my son. I'll be happy when things work out finally and I can live in my own home with him. To hell with finding love, didn't work out the first four times, why would it again? Been asked out by guys out of state, but I'm not going anywhere without my little boy. There are days when I want to leave here, keep walking until I make it to the town where my son is just to spend some time with him. Work small jobs and sleep in the streets until I can get a place. That's how far I would go for him. Exhausted and ready to snap one day. When will things finally turn around? It's been a struggle for 26 years.

Love
Ariana