Another Shot

Hope everyone is having a great day(night). Aside from my rant earlier, and getting my frustrations and anger I bottle up out, I am gonna dislike myself for this. But, attempting online dating... Again. Miss being with someone and I know I said earlier I was gonna give up, but I also realize I don't really give up easily. I still keep trying. Same with trying to find "the one". Failed the first four times. So, I think I can actually do better next time. First ex was the "bad boy" type. He turned out to be an ass and loved to verbally abuse me. Second ex was a little older and a bad boy too. He ended up cheating on me. Third ex was the more realistic thinking type that wasn't ready to have kids. He claimed I got jealous easy, but I did turn out right about his female friend who apparently hated me. And my ex husband was the gamer type. He divorced me for being "too perfect" for him. Not sure that's possible. I think he met someone else on his game streaming. So, sums up: No more bad boys, probably not the realistic type, and I guess no gamers. Not sure where to go from there. Would like a guy who's ready to be in a serious relationship. Have more kids, never wanted my son to be an only child. What else... Loyal. Funny. Similar interests in music and movies. Maybe a musician? Could always play bass or drums with him. Someone I could trust. Someone who would accept my son. Dancing. I like dancing, never been able to with any of my exes. Didn't even dance at the wedding. And protective. Unfortunately, there's really not many guys here that have those qualities. Maybe long distance. I already know I'd be loyal. So, trying dating sites again. Tried okcupid before. No luck and ended up with a stalker. Tried meetme and ended up with guys harassing me and making threats. Trying plenty of fish, but no luck either. Don't get out much, no where here to go and trust me, never want to meet guys here. Especially in this county. But, not giving up. I'm sure the right guy is out there somewhere. Same for everyone else that is reading this. If you're single too and feel like giving up, you'll find the one. He or she is out there somewhere. Never put up with abuse either (verbal or physical, that's how close it got during my marriage) and apparently, not all bad boys are worth staying with.

Love
Ariana

Exhausted

Hey everyone. Been awhile (again) and been trying hard. Probably too hard, exhausted and stressed out. Been writing nearly nonstop: Stories, poems, movie scripts, books. Pitching ideas to companies and agents. No responses (probably doesn't help with slow data, I don't get all my email). Severe insomnia, too much coffee. Tired of pushing myself so much. Need a change here. I want to get my own place, get my son. I haven't seen him since Thanksgiving and it causes depression like no other. Tired of my family getting mad at each other cause things don't go right. Tired of struggling with money and trying to keep groceries here. Then hear my mom bitch at us for no groceries or no money to pay the damn fucking bills. I'm tired of it all! Is writing even worth it when nothing comes of it? Sorry, stressed. Didn't even go to sleep til four or five this morning. Keeping trying to do writing and have privacy, but living with family after divorce, there is no privacy. Fuck. I really miss my son. I'll be happy when things work out finally and I can live in my own home with him. To hell with finding love, didn't work out the first four times, why would it again? Been asked out by guys out of state, but I'm not going anywhere without my little boy. There are days when I want to leave here, keep walking until I make it to the town where my son is just to spend some time with him. Work small jobs and sleep in the streets until I can get a place. That's how far I would go for him. Exhausted and ready to snap one day. When will things finally turn around? It's been a struggle for 26 years.

Love
Ariana

Brand New

Hello. I seem to get in the mood to post late at nights. Anyways, hope everyone is doing good, if not, then I hope you're day/night gets better. Been busy lately, got my gift shopping done, cleaning done, helped with my niece when she was sick, and kept up with The Walking Dead (returns February 12th!!). And, worked on new books. So far, I plan on releasing a new one soon. It's a psychological suspense that's supposed to play on the mind. Drew the front cover, which you can see the front cover on my Instagram at username Ariana_Torralba91 . It's violent too, but most of my horror and suspense usually are. Good way to get any bottled up anger out. Writing is my anger management... So is music. And coffee. To let you know, it's not a zombie apocalypse book. But has about the same amount of violence, gore, and swearing as When The Dead Came series.
Another book I'm working on is opposite of the suspense. It's a mix of comedy/romance/drama, just to take a break from the gore and violence. Plan on releasing that on on Valentine's Day.
Look forward to a little more about the psychological suspense book.

Love
Ariana

Hello Everyone

I do a lot of late night posts. Anyways, been busy. Had a great past weekend with my son, we had fun. Babysat my niece, we set the tree up. And helped take care of her while sick. Currently, I want to write, but not sure what. Drinking coffee too.
Back to trying any luck on okcupid... Same as before. And still making new friends. Have a bad case of writers block though. I don't know, overworked mind I guess. Should take a break, but I won't. Been thinking of going back to writing movie scripts like I used to do.
Christmas is coming soon, then before i know it, stores will have Valentine's day crap out.
I never really liked valentines day. Not because I don't have anyone to spend it with, but the fact that I tend to have something bad happen on that day. Last valentines was awesome because the walking dead came back on that day. It'll take some time to talk about past valentines, so I'll just do that another time. Aside from that holiday, don't mind the others.
Sorry, rambling while trying to figure out what to write.

Love
Ariana

Another Late Night Post

Hey everyone. Still awake, I'm supposed to get up early tomorrow, but everyone is still awake and technically my "bed" is the couch. And no one is showing signs of going to bed anytime soon. I got shot in the mouth by a plastic arrow. I was checking my phone, and my sister decided to fire a plastic arrow at me, thinking it wouldn't hurt... It hurt. It hurt like hell. Mouth went numb and a tooth hurts a little bit, bled for a short moment then stopped; but my upper lip feels numb and possibly bruised. A bit swollen. She threatened to do it again.
I have such a loving family, huh. Earlier my niece hit me a few times for accidentally knocking her strawberry shake over. In my defense, she left it sitting on the couch beside a couple of bags that I was going to put up. Could be worse. My sister might shoot the bb gun at me for fun. Sometimes, I assume she doesn't like me much. Purposely trying to injure me every week.
Listening to The Little Things Give You Away. Linkin Park soldier. Their music makes me feel better (I discussed this in the last post).
You can now find me on Linkin Park's site now. I used to be on there but deactivated my account, my husband at the time didn't like me being on their site. Oddly, he acted jealous of the band. Couldn't even hang up my poster.
But, was doing an updated post. Here's hoping that my upper lip doesn't bruise and my tooth stops hurting. My sister is lucky I don't have a bad temper like my brothers. As my little brother said before, I'd likely snap one day. Haha. Goodnight everyone.

Love
Ariana

Late Night Post

Hello everyone. Feeling great, no longer sick, short from allergies. Been listening to my Linkin Park cds lately. Anyone else a Linkin Park fan? I am. Been a fan since Hybrid Theory. I was a kid and I remember telling my oldest brother (deceased) I wanted Linkin Park's cd for Christmas. I was happy, I still have the cd to this day... It actually has outlasted my other cds from over the years. I remember saving the money up too to join the LPU, but the money was stolen. Still haven't had a chance to join, but I still hope to one day. At one point in my teens, I started listening to other bands and that resorted in depression and phases. During my second, terrible relationship, I finally got Minutes To Midnight. Took me out of that phase and depression. Strength to let go of that guy. Same with my third ex.
Their music has always had a profound impact on my life. I'm more cheerful and feel better about myself and everything. Even when I was pregnant, the first time I felt my son kick was to Burn It Down.
I remember being younger, I actually used to have a crush on Rob Bourdon. Brad Delson... Mike Shinoda. (my sister had a crush on Chester Bennington). But, now that I'm older, I developed respect for the band (no longer crushes) because of the amazing work they do: Charities, Music For Relief, their work. They're good influences for others, hopefully my son can learn from their influences. Hell, he's already influenced by their music. Almost three and he loves to play the drums and guitar. So, a thank you to my all time favorite band, Linkin Park, for the influences in my life. Their music for taking me out of depression and self hate. I plan to donate to Music For Relief in the (near) future. I hope.
Can't wait for heir new album.

Love
Ariana (Linkin Park fan since Hybrid Theory)

Passing The Time

Hello everyone. Been sick the last few days, still weak, but bouncing back. Today I spent time making fleece throw blankets for my son and niece. Then worked on a quilt. I actually started the quilt back when I was married cause at the time my husband (ex husband) and I were wanting five kids. But, after we had our son, he suddenly changed his mind and divorced me later. Anyways, I was making the quilt incase I ever had a little baby girl. But since the divorce, I stopped working on it, now I'm back to the quilt because I can always give the quilt to one of my siblings if they ever have a daughter. If not, then it can be a gift for someone else later in life.
But now, I'm working on a fantasy book, likely a short book. Writing it for my son. It'll be something I can read to him when I do have him here at times. Hopefully he will like the book. It'll have a mystical setting about it. Taking a break from writing currently because it began to remind me of the times he and I played outside. On Mother's Day, he gave me a rock he found. I still have it. We also found ladybugs and caught grasshoppers together.
Think it's the depression that's making me feel sick, the further it goes, the worst I feel. Still keeping hope! But unfortunately, I practically missed out on his whole two year. In January he'll be three and his birthday is on a day I can't get him.
Sucks.

Love
Ariana